Thanks @HAWK.
Having a better canned reply was my goal, that is why I created this topic here. And switching over the language will probably work, because of the reasons @HAWK mentined - what she writes just makes sense (and I expect her argument to be based on lot of experience or on some research I am now too lazy to look up myself).
But: I think the “help vampires” analogy is spot on.
(Although I vigorously disagree that this is a male phenomenon.)
The community I am talking about definitely is not a “healthy community”, “mutual respect” is not the rule. I am just a person wanting to give back to the software (and parts of the community) in question a bit and learn about while doing it, so it literally is not “my job”.
But the conclusion that using a bit psychology can help me achieve this goals, is still great.