This does sound like a very valid feature request, especially given the challenges you’ve outlined!
With that said, I’m thinking we will need to see more interest from the community (or even better our hosted customers) before we can consider putting something like this on the Discourse core road map.
If you want to guarantee a solution in the short term, you could always create a listing in the Marketplace to get a quote from a developer on how much it would cost to build a custom plugin. This is assuming your hosting situation allows the installation of custom plugins.