Irrelevant. Check robots.txt, user profiles are not allowed to be indexed anyway.
This also addresses your points #1, #3, and #5 @DeanMarkTaylor.
Suggested topics is indeed random once you’ve iterated through all the stuff that requires a user login, such as “is this new?” and “am I tracking this?”. So that rules #4 out as well.
I don’t think any of the links mentioned need to appear in the JS-off page.