Could you share output of vmstat 5 in this case? If you’re looking at ps or top then you might be seeing something other than the memory that’s in use. Allocated memory isn’t so important if it’s not in use.
For example, in ps output I see VSZ and RSS. I care about the RSS.
# ps uax|egrep '[0-9].unicorn|VS[Z]'
USER PID %CPU %MEM VSZ RSS TTY STAT START TIME COMMAND
ddiscou+ 2192 0.0 13.4 558320 267540 ? Sl Jan10 33:21 unicorn master -E production -c config/unicorn.conf.rb
ddiscou+ 2294 0.0 18.2 5126600 363432 ? Sl Jan10 90:59 unicorn worker[0] -E production -c config/unicorn.conf.rb
ddiscou+ 2301 0.0 14.2 5149576 282892 ? Sl Jan10 38:40 unicorn worker[1] -E production -c config/unicorn.conf.rb
In top I see the same thing but it’s called VIRT and RES
PID USER PR NI VIRT RES SHR S %CPU %MEM TIME+ COMMAND
2284 ddiscou+ 25 5 5246644 327496 5640 S 1.7 16.4 872:50.70 ruby
2294 ddiscou+ 20 0 5126600 364284 14436 S 0.7 18.3 91:00.13 ruby
vmstat tells me what the memory pressure is right now - how much swap remains, how much free memory and buffer memory, and most crucially if there’s any swap-in (the si column)
root@ubuntu-2gb-nbg1-1:~# vmstat 5 5
procs -----------memory---------- ---swap-- -----io---- -system-- ------cpu-----
r b swpd free buff cache si so bi bo in cs us sy id wa st
0 0 239616 127080 185428 464448 0 0 14 32 4 2 2 1 97 0 0
0 0 239616 124584 185432 464500 0 0 0 13 138 318 2 2 96 0 0
0 0 239616 126120 185436 464500 0 0 0 13 116 264 1 0 99 0 0
0 0 239616 120376 185436 464504 0 0 0 46 125 322 3 2 95 0 0
0 0 239616 123448 185436 464504 0 0 0 73 129 306 1 1 98 0 0