I’m no discourse expert, but there’s many ways of handling this and here’s one I would expect might work and would try to explore:
- Require approval for new discourse users
- Develop a script in your remote website or a serverless environment that queries your database for a person, and then calls the discourse API to approve/decline the new user
- Have discourse make a web hook call to the script when there is a new user
- Customise your discourse wording to better describe to your users what is happening
Basically discourse has good webhooks and api, so you can use them while writing your custom script remotely in whatever language your are comfortable in.
If you’re happy to write a discourse plugin in ruby that would work, but personally I’m not so I would fine this easier.