I have a user that was repeatedly insulting other users (mainly using below-the-threshold passive-aggressive barbs). After about 2 years of practicing “respond to the content not the tone”, I decided to suspend him indefinitely after a particularly bad episode.
Fast forward a month to now, and I get an email from this user with a long apology giving hard life experiences as the cause for his behavior. He ends the email with a request to be allowed to participate once more.
I suppose my options are:
Un-suspend his current account.
Let him create a new account for a fresh start with no past.
Refuse the request.
Does anyone have any advice or experience with this kind of situation? I want to give him a second chance but I must admit that I’m a little apprehensive but that might just be due to my lack of confidence in these matters. I guess I just want a second opinion because even though I am the owner of a (quite active and diverse) forum (thank you, Discourse!), I constantly feel like I have absolutely no qualifications for the job especially at this level. Discourse moderation should be taught in schools!
I agree with Jeff. It is rare and I reckon it’s worth a shot.
Reinstate his existing account (he should still be accountable for his past behaviour and you don’t want your other members to feel tricked or let down if it goes south again), keep a close eye on him but don’t pre-emptively judge him.
I’ve done this a few times – sometimes it’s been a huge success, sometimes it’s been a success for a while and then gone downhill again, sometimes it’s been a failure. I learned something every time, so no regrets.
You’re human and that qualifies you. Over the last 20 years (jay-sus) I’ve transitioned from community member to volunteer moderator to volunteer admin to paid CM to better paid community consultant to managing a team of some of the smartest community professionals I’ve ever met and I’m not qualified. Don’t fall victim to impostor syndrome.
If you have questions, ask them here. It is literally our job to support you in this stuff.
Just to add to this, I’ve found a big factor in the successful reintroduction of an excluded member is the context. If they’re just allowed to return as if nothing happened then they can quickly fall into old habits, assuming that their behavior may now be excused because it’s “understood”. You may also find that their previous victims reach out to object to their return.
A simple post explaining that they are being given a rare second chance, asking the community to respect their decision, and to come to you privately with any comments has worked wonders in the past.
@hawk is right in that the technology is only part of the solution, we have some members from some pretty incredible communities lurking here, learn from our (many many) mistakes!
There are so many eye-opening statements in your posts. They just feel right as soon as you read them. So what I have understood so far is:
Apologies are rare, so let’s respond positively when we get them.
Make people accountable for their past behavior by keeping account history untouched.
Monitor but don’t preemptively judge a user who is getting their 2nd chance.
Provide context to the community; publicly announce that a 2nd chance is being given.
Don’t expect a 100% success rate.
If you are human, you are qualified to moderate a forum. (Hehe. I’m still suspicious of this one.)
Did I miss anything?
This really resonated with me. I can see how this helps from many angles. If anyone has a link to an example of such a post, I would love to see it for guidance! Either way, I will definitely be doing this.
Thank you. I had no idea actually because I assumed (without reason) that this forum was purely for technical matters. Posting here was a whim and I’m glad that I did!
Haha, that’s fair. What I meant was there are no formal qualifications and your obvious empathy makes you as – if not more – qualified as anyone.
Glad you did too. It was my goal when I started in this role several years ago to build out this part of the forum – and more specifically this part – but other things always seem to take priority. You’ve given me a new focus.
Yes! How about asking O’Reilly to fund a book project on the topic of forum moderation (that hopefully prioritizes meaningful interaction and depth over growth and activity, pretty-please-with-a-cherry-on-top!). I need that much more than another book on Python or How to Grow Your Web Site.
아니면 그리고 관리자 가이드에 포함하는 것도 좋을 것 같습니다. 때로는 관리자, 특히 작은 포럼의 관리자가 가끔씩 모더레이터 역할을 하기도 합니다. 그리고 그렇지 않더라도 이러한 유형의 조언은 도움이 됩니다. * 부드러운 알림은 우리 포럼에서 그리고 실제 세계에서 좋은 일이 될 수 있습니다.
해당 사용자의 행동이 어떻게 끝났는지 궁금합니다.hopefully 좋은 방향으로 흘러갔기를 바랍니다.
나한테는 그 사람이 밴/정지를 당할 정도로 뭘 잘못했는지에 따라 정말 달라. 만약 나나 다른 멤버, 혹은 다른 모더레이터를 명백하게 괴롭힌 거라면 두 번째 기회를 주지 않을 수도 있어. 만약 누군가가 정말로 변했다는 걸 보여줄 수 있다면, 그 사람의 계정을 언밴하거나 정지를 해제해 줄 수도 있지. 나는 가혹한 편이 아니고, 마지막 수단인 경우가 아니면 쉽게 밴을 하지 않아. 머릿속에 떠올린 아이디어 중 하나는 ‘징계실(jail)’이라는 그룹을 만들어서, 거기서만 ‘징계실’ 채널을 보고 스태프와 정지 관련 대화를 나눌 수 있게 하는 거였어.
내가 모더레이팅하는 디스코드(네, 디스코드 서버를 말하는 거야) 커뮤니티 중 한 곳에서는, 사용자가 정말 심각한 일을 저지를 경우 밴을 하고 두 번째 기회는 절대 주지 않아.
I’m still suspicious of this one.)
Posting here was a whim and I’m glad that I did!
