I’m in the process of coming up with some basic recommendations for Discourse owners and moderators, on how to make challenging moderator decisions in a sustainable, community friendly way.
Here’s what I have so far:
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Share moderation duties with multiple people. Having a single focal point for all mod decisions is fatiguing and can lead to undue flashpoints, and personal attacks. If there’s only one person in charge, is the forum “you”? What if you’re tired, or cranky, or in a bad place? What if you find yourself overly involved in a topic and want to defer moderation to someone else? That’s a dangerous path to be on.
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When you must ban, be decisive. Certainly give people another chance if they make a mistake, but then cleanly, decisively ban them. It is not your job to reform this person. You are not obligated to let them try over and over. You can keep the door open by advising them to email you in 6 months or a year if they want to try again. But the impetus to recognize the problem, apologize, and ask politely to try again – that is on them.
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Discuss bans, but not too much, and only in the right place. Please don’t celebrate bans or constantly bring them up, and definitely don’t clutter unrelated topics with ban conversation. Keep ban discussion in the “forum feedback” category.
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Keep heated moderation talk in private. If things are getting heated, remove that part from the public topic, into a private group message. Maybe even take it offline if needed, to email or voice. At minimum move it to the “forum feedback” category so other topics aren’t cluttered with off-topic moderation stuff.
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Take a break. Sometimes people just need to walk away for a while and take a break from the discussion. A short timed closure of a contentious topic, or a day suspension, might be in order. Avoid making hasty decisions in the heat of the moment, and discourage others from doing so as well.