You’ve got valid concerns - I’ve grappled with this ever since my Discourse journey began 7 years ago.
I remember hearing the advice “chose either open or closed, not both!” early on, which I have largely ignored. However, it is useful advice!
The biggest issue is in fact that users seem to really struggle with the fact that a site can be both open and closed at the same time. Discourse is primarily designed as an open discussion space, and the private spaces are quite discreet really. It also works quite nicely as a fully private service too. But users get confused when this boundary is traversed.
Now, the fundamental problem is that there are very strong practical reasons for wanting both on the same site - a single, easily maintainable, user list and a single site to maintain are the primary ones. And somethings are great in public, and others need levels of discretion. Community will always be thus!
Discoverability (which seems very important to you) is indeed vital. I have had many users over the years who simply can’t find our site (despite using it a lot). A google search is often their route back. An open site makes this easy.
To overcome / work around this situation I am currently doing this:
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Having the private spaces being primarily Messages and Group Messages
- Messages section for sidebar really facilitates this
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Having the public spaces being conventional forum Categories
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Having occasional private Categories for specific purposes, but usually only for the the most Discourse-savvy users.
I’d love to have this specific problem addressed by the Discourse design team, as it is both curly and prevalent.