Status update (for anyone interested/similar situation):
With @awesomerobot’s assistance we’ve debugged the issue and it seems that Nodechef randomly installed an older version Discourse 2.0.0.beta3 on my account instead of Discourse 2.0.0.beta 4 which is required for the CLI.
Also important to note is that if you delete your instance and try to do a fresh install, Nodechef WILL INSTANTLY CHARGE YOUR CARD AGAIN, even if you’ve paid a minute ago for the last forum instance.
As for my path, I’m currently considering doing a self hosted install, probably using one of the Recommended Hosting Providers for Self Hosters.