I am wanting to set up a discourse forum on my website. I am paying for discourse now, but it seems in the installation “how-to” that digitalocean is the first step for setup
DigitalOcean is recommended but not mandatory. You can use any server that supports docker
https://meta.discourse.org/t/the-cheapest-solution-for-hosting/24060
It is almost the case that if you are asking the question, the answer is “yes”, but there are dozens of providers that will work. This list of easy-to-use providers was written with people like you in mind.
DO and Mailgun are what I use for my $99 install (but the $150 Lite Install includes https, which I recommend if you don’t want to get your hands dirty at the command line).
Again, there are other email services, but I have found Mailgun to be easy to sign up and get started with.
I am using linode (for server) and sparkpost (for mail). There is also vultr, aws ec2, google cloud (for cloud server) . There are numerous providers of VPS and dedicated server.