For now only categories enable “real” mailinglist mode, wich means you really get ALL mails even your owns and if you answer a thread online. This doesn’t work for mailinglist mode in groups [1]. 
It is hard to explain to our users why there is different behavior. Moreover a lot of them won’t switch from mailman because of the “getting all mails”-feature not implemented in discourse yet.
Turns out, that mailinglist mode is working different for categories and group messages. In categories you gt even your own posts, in groups you don’t. Wich is sad, because so we can’t switch of mailman, there are a lot of the “older” users who used to manage their “Mailinglist” in their email client. Detailed talk about it, here:
Thanks a lot for still having a look into it, 'cause we still want to switch from mailman…
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I’ve split this out into a new feature topic, per this earlier comment:
I think it’s worth considering respecting the existing mailing list mode preference in the context of group messages rather than adding an additional setting here.
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Thanks a lot for taking care of this. Sadly, the splitted topic couldn’t be found:
https://meta.discourse.org/t/respect-mailing-list-mode-preference-for-group-messages/329119
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That’s because the posts were moved to this existing feature topic afterwards.
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