@LWinterberg i just wanted to give you some hope: firstly, your feelings are validated. It is a lot to take in, leaves you with many questions at the start, and there are some quirks.
I grew up managing vbuletin and phpbb forums when I was a kid. I now implement Discourse in an enterprise environment as one part of my team’s work. It gets better—way better!
While you are correct that there is a lot going on, also keep in mind that you’re welding a Swiss Army knife filled with Swiss Army knives—don’t give yourself such a hard time for not understanding it all in the first moment. I wouldn’t be able to drive an F1 race card my first time getting in either. 
I assure you, after 5 years of using Discourse, it has consistently improved month over month—and it was already awesome to begin with!
Good luck on your journey!